By Sweet Queen
Have you ever wondered what goes on in the Portland Sex Clubs? Are you curious about the scene, and thought you would like to try it, but maybe you feel hesitant because of some fear or reservations? Then let me share my experience as a newbie to the club scene and answer some of those questions that may be tumbling through your mind. I will explain how I found my truest self liberated on a dance floor, why I still enjoy feeling like I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole, and love helping others discover their own path to the dark side.
I was approaching my fortieth birthday and knew deep inside that I felt confined by the boxes society had placed on me as a married woman. I had sacrificed for my family and wanted this time of my life to explore myself. I am known among my peers to be very brave, so without any prior experience in BDSM or the lifestyle, I enlisted a friend to join me on my first adventure into the wild wonderland of kink. Prior to leaving the house, we discussed our intentions of wanting to “check out KINK night,” both of us sharing our hard limits of no sex. We just wanted to see what happens in “those places,” the ones where good girls turn bad, and naughtiness abounds. We were both enamoured by the experience, and have since developed our own desires from opening that door.
Opening that door on my first night to a sex club empowered me. I saw that I was not alone. I saw that other people were just like me, and I believe it was through acknowledging that all types of us — singles, couples and all types of relationships — were welcomed and could be as free as the rules allowed. I saw that I wasn’t being judged for my curiosity. I saw kink activities that initially I didn’t think would have an impact and I would later come to find had a very arousing effect. I found a home where I felt comfortable in my body, the safe surroundings, and in letting go of the social constructs that inhibited me.
Over the next three years, I would eventually end a marriage and find a partner that was equally thrilled to explore the scene. I don’t credit the sex club exploration for my sense of liberation but I do believe it had a significant influence in my decisions to stay extremely open to sex and body positivity. I joined a club that welcomed acceptance of all shapes, sizes, genders, and sexual identities. I felt that sense of connection and wanted to share it.
My new partner and I are in our forties, and quickly discussed sex upon our first meeting. I think you realize by this age that your sexuality and freedom to exercise or explore it are very important in healthy relationships. We did a BDSM checklist on our first road trip, but that’s another story. With my partner just as apt to investigate the club scene, we’ve attended Erotic Art shows, Masquerades, Mardi Gras, Gang bangs, public spankings, rope bondage, engaged in Pet Play, FemDom, had our own threesomes, watched erotic massages, floggings, and attended ropes classes, impact classes, and BDSM 101. There’s so much to do in our local community that we can easily book up our weekends with the various events.
Now that I’ve mentioned just some of the kinky things out there to experience or be explored, I would imagine as a newbie you’re wondering what exactly happens inside these places that makes one like myself so inspired to share. I believe that human sexuality is far more diverse than the vanilla lifestyle I was accustomed to living, and since I gave myself permission to explore my own personal sexual boundaries I have come to realize that many more of us have a kinkier side to ourselves. Maybe it’s your own collection of pornography or sex toys, maybe you have a fantasy that you just can’t help but replay over and over again in your mind, or maybe you’ve never even masturbated but you’re curious; all of these may be true for those reading, because you’ve stumbled into this article out of your own curiosity. As a newbie, you still wonder what lies beyond the door. I can tell you that you’ll find various types of clubs in our local area ranging from the classic high-end nightclub experience to places with private rooms and open play space. Most places with a dance floor and bar have a nightclub vibe, many have a dungeon with a Dungeon Monitor where the kinkier events usually occur, and all of them abide by a community code of ethics.
I’m not going to provide a comprehensive list of ethics or rules of conduct, however it is worthy of noting that the safe conditions of the clubs is directly related to the rules strictly enforced by each club. A huge topic in the community and any scene is consent, and that means a person must be fully willing to participate in an event, whether an active participant or a witness. A person’s consent is absolutely the priority when engaging in any activity. I’ll make a mere mention of alcohol and drinking, which consumption is monitored in the clubs and over-intoxication is discouraged as it impairs one’s ability to consent. When asked why I love going to the clubs the most, my answer always returns to my love of dancing. In my vanilla lifestyle, I would go to a nightclub and inevitability someone would try to rub up on me while moving with the music, and on several occasions I was groped and touched inappropriately. That kind of behavior is specifically frowned upon in the sex clubs and gets addressed by a rule of “no touching” without verbal consent. Being able to control my own exposure is very important, it keeps the environment comfortable and open to exploration, and gives me a feeling of security while walking my own edges of sexuality.
If you’re still curious and questioning if you should give it a try, I would encourage you to consider what are your fears. I would assume as a newbie that they’re about the uncertainty of the whole thing. I would say that as a single person, you will be given a tour of the club and explained thoroughly about the rules when you enter, and worst case scenario you see someone you know from your neighborhood then that’s when you remember we all have this luxury to explore and they’re bound by a club rule that states we don’t share details about members. If you’re a couple looking to push your own exploring, then I highly recommend communicating about your fears, needs and desires. It’s critical that partners are able to navigate through these matters if they intend to open the door.
Probably one of the biggest thoughts that crosses your mind if you’ve considered a sex club is what to wear. I love it when couples look at this night out as an opportunity to bond and dress up. My partner and I make it part of the night’s events and snap a few pics before leaving the house. But as your first time, I would strongly recommend that you wear the outfit that makes you feel sexiest. That can be as simple as a black dress and lingerie underneath or spare the dress completely and rock your lingerie because everything is welcomed. This is my fair warning though, if you give in to that feeling, and you find yourself enjoying being desired, you’ll feel very at home each week selecting your wardrobe for the evening. I will never forget the ego boost the day I walked into a FemDom event and was asked if I was on the list because, as she stated, “you look like a performer” — my ego burst through the ceiling.
One of the few things I like to share about all the clubs in our local area are insider tips. All the clubs have their own vibe, and I highly encourage trying them all out over time. Most have free events, and host Meet and Greet events. Many of the clubs offer food and your outing can include a meal for the cost of door fees which is extremely practical. Also, once you do your club research consider door fee, potential membership fee, don’t forget your parking fee, look into the events and theme for the night before attending, and consider some of the great educational classes offered usually before an event in the club.
I’ve discovered opening the door leads you down a path; sometimes it feels like a mystery, a tea party, or the ending is obvious. Either case, I’m given an opportunity to make choices and I’m taking the option to enjoy this life, and I’m encouraging you to find an opportunity to open yourself to exploring your body, your sexuality and your community.