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Poly-101 – New Relationship Energy

Briana BlissBy Briana Bliss
It’s 1:22 a.m. on the morning of deadline. My other article that I wrote for this month forgotten because I can’t finish it. I have been trying for a week. I was super excited because I knew I would be a week early, my ‘boss’ would be proud. I would get a ‘go team’ out of him, to which I would roll my eyes, he would ask ‘what?’ I would say ‘that’s your other girlfriend’s phrase.’ He would say ‘oh. I thought it was ours. What’s ours again?’ To which we just laugh. That is kind of our spiel but I love it that way. Anyhow, I digress. I keep trying to finish the article and it just won’t work and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it hit me like lightning!

NRE! That’s it! That’s the bumbling, stumbling, tumbling block that has this cat’s writer’s block tongue-tied!! NRE (New Relationship Energy) has entered stage right and what shall accompany it but its bestie pink fluffy stupids. My brain is stumped. I can’t think about other things because I am stuck in the new bright and shiny bubble. You know that bubble, don’t you? You just met someone and there was a spark. You went on a date. Zing! And a second date and a bow chicka… and a third date bow chicka wow wow…. whatever your pace may or may not be of course. No pressure here!

All you can think of is when you can see them next. What are you going to do? Go? Wear? What exciting new things are you going to learn about the other person and what are going to share about yourself? What things do you want to know? You are giddy, excited, a little nervous. I think the word ‘twitterpated’ is the perfect word to describe it. You are on cloud 9 and you feel good!!

Now what? This is where NRE can start to become tricky. You start to forget things and the writing of this article is a prime example. The article I was writing had a certain point I was trying to get across. I could not explain it because my head is too lofty in the clouds floating by rainbows. Instead of continuing with that article I start anew. We neglect those around us that deserve our time, love and effort, too— i.e. kids, nesting partners, other partners, friends, tribe etc. That is when NRE can be a bit of a bad thing, even though the feels can feel oh-so-freaking amazing!

There are many things that I try to remind myself as I go through NRE. I will share my own personal experiences with you. I let myself feel good about it. I get giddy happy. Yesterday my oldest child was helping me get ready for my date. This was the first time the person I am datin  (are we even dating I don’t even know?) was coming to my house and our first date without the kidlets. We had been cleaning all day and she was getting ready to do my hair. When she helped me into my dress she said that we were acting like the Queen was coming. When I told my date that she said “tell her she is” with the lol emoji! NRE makes me act like an anxious, giddy teenage girl at a boy band concert. I had the stupid nervous energy, yet I was excited to go, go, go! It felt gooood!

I try and remind myself, often, that this is NRE and it often fades to normalcy. Even though I allow myself to feel the gushy feels, I try and keep myself in touch with reality. NRE is generally not a sustainable thing. It does occur with some people. Those lucky few can experience it for the life of their relationship, whether months, years or a lifetime. The rest of us just get to take it as it comes and enjoy the ride.

The one thing that I should strive to do better with, is to get dates planned with all partners. Some of mine are planners and some are not, but for those of us that are, we need to make that happen. If plans have to change or cancel because of unforeseen circumstances, reschedule immediately. Make sure that your current partners are still getting quality time with you. If you have partners that are not planners, find events that you both want to attend and get those on the calendar. It is usually a great way to nail plans down with those non-calendaring type people (though I still have no clue how people can live this lifestyle, or life in general, without massive calendaring skills). If you can’t find things like that then just learn how to be flexible. That was a very, very hard lesson for me to learn. I used to be very rigid. If it wasn’t something that I didn’t want to do, or it wasn’t on the calendar, it wasn’t going to happen. Now that I have become more adaptable to schedule changes and shifts, it doesn’t mean that I don’t still struggle.

Communication, communication, communication! You will hear it from me and from most in the polyamorous community that communication is the key to making any poly relationships work. However, if you think about it, communication is what makes any type of relationships work, romantic or otherwise. If you are lost in the newness of love, be sure to check in with your other partners and check in often. If you are a partner of someone who has been lost in the pink fluffy clouds and you are feeling a certain way speak up. If you need something from them tell them. The answer is always no if you do not ask the question.

 

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