LoveBites – “Compersion from a Meta”
by Michael Love
Compersion: /”kom-PUR-shion”/ noun – The feeling of joy one has experiencing another’s joy, such as witnessing a toddler’s joy and feeling joy in response. The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy.
Metamour: /“MET-a-more”/ noun – is someone who is your partner’s partner, but with whom you have no romantic relationship. This can be your partner’s other boyfriend or girlfriend or your partner’s spouse. … You didn’t pick them, your partner picked them. Also referred to as a meta, or meta’s (plural) slang
Paramour: /”PARE-a-more”/ noun – a lover, or someone that you are in a relationship with
Compersion is a feeling we should all strive for, many will struggle to attain, but it is the golden fruit of what we do. You’ll hear me talk about it frequently in my writings. As is common in the lifestyle, many of my partners struggle with insecurities and jealousy at times, (even I do occasionally) it’s rare that I see compersive behavior directed toward me… You’ll often hear me say, “If this shit was easy everyone would be doing it!”
I do have one partner “M”, who has always inspired me. She has always been overly supportive and even at times excited to hear about my adventures. I’ve always felt supported by her, and I consider her to be something of a role model to the kind of partner I want to be to my partners.
Sadly, in my experiences in the lifestyle, a lot of my partner’s other partners (my metamours), struggle with sharing. I can honestly say, I’ve never in my time in the lifestyle encountered a “meta” that was enthusiastically supportive of my presence in their life. It’s not really something I expect… Like I said, this stuff ain’t easy, so I keep my expectations low.
It is unfortunate though that this has fostered an environment with me though, where new meta’s kind of scare me. They often introduce an unpredictability into my relationships and bring change that detracts from my relationship. It’s sad that it has become so prevalent that it is something that it is almost absolutely predictable…
Last month I had date with “M”. It had been following an extended absence due to scheduling issues, and illnesses. (We usually see each other every other week.) We have a very definite “date” night routine… we usually start out our date sitting down and talking about what’s going on in our lives since the last time we’ve seen each other, usually over dinner… She’s always excited to hear about my new adventures, and gives me a lot of enthusiastic support. Then we head back to the bedroom for some sexy connection time… We part ways, happy and satisfied, and she heads off to sleep (she works very early)
This month was different… When I got there, there was a strange car in the driveway. When I went inside, there was a guy there! At first, I was a little off balance, but then “M” explained to me that he was living there now, and he would be going into the other room during our date (after dinner) so we could have our privacy. We sat down and visited in the dining room while he puttered around in the kitchen. I don’t know what he was making in there, but it smelled amazing. Sadly, I had already eaten dinner… They ate, while we visited, and then he was cleaning up in the kitchen when “M” dragged me off to the bedroom.
Now… “M” is not the most meticulous housekeeper… so I was really surprised when we stepped into her room. She told me that her new boyfriend had washed all of her bedding and made her bed, and cleaned her room because he wanted to make sure that that it was nice for her date. It literally kind of took my breath away…. I’ve never had a meta make that kind of effort for me before. She then went on to tell me that he had planned on making dinner for all of us, and made a special dish that she knew I would like… I felt terrible that I had refused dinner.
I was genuinely impressed with the effort he had made. What made it even more impressive was when I learned that this was his first time being in a non-monogamous relationship… He is brand new to it all, and doing better than any other metamour I had encountered in my life.
Now, I think some people take to this kind of living like a duck to water…. But I truly think that if we all would strive to be more like “M’s” new guy… our lives and our relationships would be so much better for it. I’m challenging you all to take some time, make an effort to be the partner you wish you had.. But take that a step farther and treat your Metamours the way you would like to be treated. Go the extra mile to make sure that your partners feel loved and supported in their other relationships, and make sure that those partners also know that you care and respect their presence in your life and that your relationship with them is important to you.