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Big Daddy and Little Princess: A View From Each Side of the DD/lg Dynamic

By Monsuta and Bella Marie

Image courtesy of Lovelines

“Fuck me Daddy!”

This is when you know you’ve made it, when you’ve taken this little bitch and made her your babygirl. She’s your sub and you’re her Dom. She screamed “fuck me Daddy” so now she’s yours, right? Wrong. Dirty pillow talk is just that, pillow talk. There is a world of difference between being a “Bedroom Daddy” and being a Dominant Caregiver; not that either way is necessarily better (it is your relationship, after all), just don’t confuse pillow talk for a power dynamic.

The DD/lg (Daddy Dom / little girl) dynamic is much more intimate than dirty talk. Being someone’s Daddy is a deeply involved, intimate relationship between a Caregiver and the submissive who goes into “little space”, an innocent headspace of vulnerability and simplicity in which the need for a guardian is high. In fact, while writing this, my own little had a wardrobe malfunction which overwhelmed her and she needed Daddy to fix it.

While entire books can be written on DD/lg, I’ll attempt to use this article to provide a snapshot of the dynamic and maybe dispel a misconception or two along the way.

Interestingly, not all Daddy types are men. As with other dynamics in kink, gender has nothing to do with who holds the proverbial (or literal) crop. I’m friends with both feminine identified and gender non-conforming Dominants of this dynamic, some of whom enjoy being called Daddy, some prefer Mommy, and still others prefer more gender neutral terms such as “Big” or “Caregiver”. Similarly, the little can identify as any gender identity.

While I will occasionally refer to the Daddy type as a Big or Caregiver, I use Daddy here as a matter of personal experience or relation.

Being a Daddy doesn’t mean you are less of a Dom than those in other dynamics or that you are the submissive to a brat — again, unless that’s your dynamic.  Some may see the Daddy as a pushover or perceive an inverse power play but the reality is the Daddy can be just as hard or soft as they choose. The Caregiver can be soft spoken and use discipline sparingly which could easily look to an outsider like the bubbly little is getting her way but what may not be witnessed is the subtle art of guidance to keep the little in line. Alternatively, Daddy can control the little with a heavy hand, maintaining tight control.

Being a Caregiver isn’t just hair brushing, coloring, and stuffed animals; as with any dynamic, this is a relationship of needs fulfillment. Daddy is the emotional sanctuary, protector, mentor, teacher, and of course, the disciplinarian for a submissive little. The Daddy can be caring and soft or hard and sadistic but the goal is the same; to ensure their little knows that Daddy is the safe home the little desires. In return, the little takes care of Daddy’s needs, whatever they may be, as long as the needs (on both sides of the slash) have been negotiated.

For a number of Bigs and littles, sex doesn’t fall within the realm of these negotiations, but for many it does, and that’s okay. This dynamic may make some uncomfortable because of what is inferred but remember, each person in this dynamic is a consenting adult, fully capable of making adult decisions so try remembering the golden rule of kink, “Your kink is not my kink but your kink is okay”.

DD/lg isn’t for most but if this article spoke to you, pour some whiskey, light a cigar, and welcome to the Big League.

~Monsuta

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Image courtesy of Lovelines

Have you ever wanted to shut your responsible, adult brain off and turn on some princess movies or just color your troubles away? Maybe you miss tea parties and bubble gum. Well, have you ever considered you might be a little? I’m here to help build a better understanding of what the little side of the DD/lg dynamic looks like and why some of us identify. Welcome to my kink world.

I’m in my thirties and work accounting. I’m also a start-up entrepreneur. I’m bossy, take charge, and am in control of responsibilities all day, making sure things get done and done right. With so much pressure and daily stress, this dynamic is my safe space. It’s where I can let my brain relax and go to a place of innocence.

Let me paint a picture of what an evening after work might look like when I’m getting into little space. I would come home, perhaps put on one of my favorite dresses or onesies, and grab my teddy bear and a coloring book. When Daddy comes home from work, he might pour me some juice and put on a cartoon. He might give me a bath, comb through my hair, and tuck me into bed after reading a bedtime story.

When I go into little space, I am able to shut off my stress knowing that I don’t have to adult for just a few hours because Daddy has me. He won’t let me fall and he’s always looking out for what’s best for me, even when I can’t see it. He sets up guidelines and protocols which I follow to ensure I am living my best life and he takes care of me when I don’t. This is such a special dynamic which involves a lot of trust and communication.

A popular misconception is all littles must have daddy issues or a history of abuse. This belief is untrue and, while some people have past trauma, it does not necessarily define the power exchange in a dynamic. We are all individuals shaped by different life experiences. For example, my father is my hero. He was my best friend growing up and my biggest cheerleader who attended all my sports events, school performances, and every big life change. I did not have a childhood full of abuse or neglect and my father is someone who doesn’t give up on people. I’m lucky to have found a partner who just might be that same kind of special man in my life.

This dynamic is often misunderstood based on the lens through which outsiders view it. Even within the kink community, DD/lg is still taboo. I hope that through articles like this, people can get a better understanding of how this dynamic can be quite healthy, sexy, and fun. So many of us have a little inside and the better we understand how to speak to our little selves, the happier we become in our lives and with accepting who we are. I am a little.

~ Bella

Pacific Northwest Polyamory


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